Day twenty

“Drop the idea of becoming someone else, because you are already are a masterpiece.” by Osho

That is supposed to be an inspirational and motivational quote. However I do not feel as I am a masterpiece. I am still a work in progress – that is how I feel. 

I have arrived at a state of “where do I go from here?”, and to “who am I, really?” and “what is it that I really want that would make me happy.” I think I am experiencing mid life crisis of some sort. I do feel lost. 

I know at this stage of life, one is supposed to be happy and coasting along in some sort of career. I am not. I am saddened by that fact. 

I know that whatever I set my mind to, I will or can become good at it. That is part of the problem. I can do many things – some things I do very well, some things I do very good, and somethings I do good. If there is something I don’t know, I will just go ahead and learn how to do it, if I have to.

Right now I am teaching myself mono printing and sewing. Eventually i would like to learn screen printing and lino or wood block printing. Would like to print on fabric and sew things that I have printed on fabric – make art quilts, make tablecloths, bags, but mostly art quilts or mini art pieces out of fabric. 

I am also taking not for profit classes – specifically in the grant writing and fundraising area. Those two I am very interested in. Maybe I will end up as a grant writer or as an executive director for a not for profit art organization. Who knows. 

All I can say, is that I am not happy and that I know. I seek things that make me happy. Right now it is hanging out in the basement studio, where I am exploring sewing and printing and painting. Often I wish I can do it everyday, but bills have to be paid, food have to be put on the table, and retirement has to be planned and invested. Not going to happen while I am downstairs. 

I know I am supposed to think back to my childhood and I don’t want to. My childhood memories are not ones that I enjoy looking back to. Neither are my teenage years. 

Ah well. I want to move on and work on other things. I do need to work on rubrics, an article, and few other writing items. 

Carpe Diem.

Christine

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